Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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