I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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