i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
