Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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