her facebook's as public as her vagina
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
