She is in my trunk
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Randomize
