There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
