and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
