last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I could fuck to npr.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
