that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
His hands were made for my vagina.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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