Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
