No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
