You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
