Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
