My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
You took a bar mat shot.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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