I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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