dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Randomize
