thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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