I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
