im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
