I should be sponsored by Trojan
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
