Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Randomize
