so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
they're like a gay fantastic four
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
