My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Randomize
