there's paper in my vomit.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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