first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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