dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
