I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
