I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Randomize
