I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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