She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
