love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
