Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
