I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize