I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
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