So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
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