if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
