Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
