if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
