I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
