No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
