billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
You can't just leave with hair like that
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Randomize
