So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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