so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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