can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
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