I hope mine doesn't look like that
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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