I bet he comes in French.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
