So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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