I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
