Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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