I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
