i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Randomize
