its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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