I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
