is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
sarcasm needs its own font
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
