I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
